Sex is Not Assigned at Birth, and I Never Beat My Wife
I don't have to lie about the nature of reality in order to be nice to people.
I was asked to fill out a survey at work this week. The content of it isn’t essential here. Significant here was the demographics portion. Specifically, when I was asked about my sex.
After going through the entire survey, it asked a few demographic questions at the end, finishing with “What is your assigned sex at birth?” That’s where I exited out and decided to scrap the whole thing.
There is no way I’m participating in this game.
To answer a question like that, I have to agree with the premise that sex is assigned. It’s like asking, “Do you still beat your wife?” and only allowing “Yes”or “No” as an answer.
When my wife was pregnant with our son and then our daughter, we knew their sex before they were born. The clinicians had mandatory screening tests done through blood draws. The tests look for elements of our children that are circulating in their mother’s blood. From that blood test they told us — if we wanted to know, and we did — the sex of the baby, amongst other screening things.
Their sex was not assigned but revealed in utero — before birth. The question “What was your assigned sex at birth?” has not only one but two lies embedded within it.
So when I come upon a question like “What is your assigned sex at birth?” I have to participate in a lie to answer it because sex is neither assigned nor is it a function of what happens after the child is born.
If I answer the question “Do you still beat your wife?” with a “Yes” or “No,” I admit to beating my wife at some point in time regardless of how I answer.
My willingness to answer a question presumes my agreement with its premise. And this is a premise that conflicts with reality.
Some may say that it’s a small price to ensure that some of us who deserve basic human respect feel comfortable in the language we use. But why is it necessary for me to lie in order to be nice to people? Well, it isn’t necessary. That’s just stupid. Which makes me believe that anyone promoting this type of language game doesn’t care at all about protecting people or being nice to them.
For a survey like this one, it’s not necessarily some grand public stand I took because the survey itself is voluntary. I don’t have to explain why I didn’t complete it to anyone I work with. But little lies, whether through commission, omission, or participation, always lead to more significant lies. That is not a path I am willing to take, even if it is a baby step.
In the seventies, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, the famed author of the Gulag Archipelago, addressed his Russian comrades in a now-famous speech titled Live Not by Lies. In the speech, he describes how people who have been battered into silence by an oppressive regime could resist oppression. They may not protest or stand in front of tanks waiting to be smashed. They may not have the courage to do so. But what they could do, is not lie.
“Though lies may conceal everything, though lies may control everything, we should be obstinate about this one small point: let them be in control but without any help from any of us.” — Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.
The concept is that all totalitarian regimes are created by and then supported by the propagation of lies. Their people first ignore lies, then accept lies, and then repeat lies. Eventually, nobody is sure of what is and is not valid. Lying becomes so ingrained and an expectation of their culture that they don’t even realize they are lying. Lying becomes a reflex.
Exiting out of a survey may not be something that changes the world. But it’s my small step down the path of truth and preservation of the one soul I have control over. If we as a people move down the path of lies, it will not be because of me.
Really like this essay. And the subtitle, "I don't have to lie about the nature of reality to be nice to people" is perfectly distilled. Should be on T-shirts and taglines.